by Harriet Bond
(San Francisco, CA, USA)
Any relationship will have its tests and trials but one of the most common concerns from a women’s perspective has nothing to do with falling out of love or even the most notable culprits like money spending. It’s all about infidelity. In fact, cheating is the main concern of most married women past the relationship span of 8 years.
Often they blame themselves for the infidelity of their male partners but there are often times when really, as hard as it is to face, you aren’t the causing factor. There are a number of reasons why men and women alike tend to cheat. Let’s have a look at some of them here in the hopes of easing your fear or sharpening your caution when it comes to your own relationship.
Cheating is a Decision
Before we even start to look at the reasoning behind cheating, there is an important point to be made. Cheating is a decision. If your husband or partner decides to cheat on you, you should always know that it lent to a lack of willpower in them. Too often women blame themselves for the infidelity of their husbands and although there may be some issues that you need to work on as a couple, you did not make the decision for him and it’s important for you to realize that. You are not accountable for the actions of others.
Looking for Options
One reason why men cheat is because they are looking for variety in their life. Nowadays things can quickly become very monotone and with a sexualized society, it is difficult not to be curious. Sometimes, men and women alike want to add options to their lives and it has nothing to do with the attractiveness (or lack thereof) of a spouse or partner.
Author Dave Buss attributes this desire to the need for men to spread their seed as it were. While a woman will take nine months to nurture a baby, a man can impregnate a number of women during this time which is why it’s hard to fight instinctual urges. This is the main driving force behind why men cheat.
Cheating is rife around the world and of course there is always the chance that it could happen to you. In the same breath however, people do make mistakes and it is important that you individually assess each situation before making judgments. Ask yourself questions like “Can I work towards trusting this person again?” “What was the motive behind their cheating?” “Do my values and life goals coincide with the idea of giving this person a second chance?”
If the “cheater” genuinely shows remorse, then there is usually some hope that your relationship will survive with a lot of hard work. However, if the person who cheats is not remorseful at all and does not understand the seriousness of the situation, it may be worth it for you to cut your losses. Ultimately, it’s about respect. Only you will know if it is worthwhile to pick up the pieces or if the relationship is completely over.