Text with a Real Question
There could be a reason that you do need to get back in touch with your ex. This is especially true if you shared a long time together or lived together. For example, you may need to settle an old bill or return a belonging.
Should that happen, texting is an appropriate way to communicate without seeming like you’re trying too hard. For example, you could text, “Found your necklace in the bathroom. How would you like me to return it?”
This type of message gets to the point and doesn’t ask for a meeting or an excuse to see her. And if she responds by asking you to mail it or give it to someone else, simply reply that you will and follow the instructions.
Don’t try to make an excuse to see her if she’s not ready yet. This will only push her away. What you want to do is draw her in. Make sure you don’t contact for at least a month unless you absolutely have to resolve an issue and then go right back to your no contact rule.
Sending a First Text
The first text message you send will be the hardest. This one will help you to test the waters and see if it’s worth pursuing this avenue to get your ex back. You’ll want to begin with something that’s interesting, but not asking your ex for anything.
A great start is to use a memory you’ve shared. For example, “I just saw that old movie you love so much (insert the title) on TV. Made me smile.”
This is a nonthreatening text. You’re not asking for a response and it’s positive and not very emotional. This is often a great way to draw in an ex without making them feel pressure.
Many exes will feel the need to respond to a text like this. Make sure you have patience and don’t expect an immediate response. A delayed response can actually be a good thing because it means your ex has been spending time thinking about you.
Use Feelings When Appropriate
This rule really depends on whether you’re dealing with a man or a woman. Men and women respond differently to emotions, so you have to be careful with them.
If you’re trying to get a man back into your life, emotions aren’t good in text message form. Women tend to be emotional and fueled by feelings. But if you’re constantly texting him about feelings, chances are he’s going to run.
If you’re trying to get a woman back into your life, emotions are a good way to go. It might be easier for you to express your feelings in writing and women tend to respond to statements about feelings.
In either case, begin texting with neutral statements that aren’t too deep – even if they include emotions. Never use texting to discuss angry or negative emotions – keep it positive.
Take Responsibility for Your Actions
When you’re texting, you can begin to build a bridge by owning your own actions. For example, you can share with your ex that you realize you’re to blame for specific parts of the break up.
For example, “I know it was my fault that we broke up,” or, “You are right that I haven’t focused enough on the things that are important to you.” Whatever your ex’s top complaints are, take ownership of them.
Most people hate excuses. But when you take responsibility for what you’ve done and simply apologize for it, it can go a long way toward healing a relationship and getting forgiveness.
When you text something like this, don’t expect a specific response and don’t get angry if you don’t get any response at all. Don’t keep texting and texting to get a response – that will most likely lead to anger.
Instead, say what you need to say and then give your ex some breathing room. This shows that you have respect for the other person in the relationship.
Some people make the mistake of using text messages to gain sympathy. This is a negative way to use this tool for attention. Instead, use it to celebrate your ex. For example, if you hear something good has happened, you can congratulate your ex.
It would be hard for an ex to be upset by receiving a text that said, “I heard about your promotion at work. Congratulations – you deserve it!” Make it all about your ex getting the attention.
Remember, you shouldn’t expect a specific type of response. Just wait to see if you get any response and be happy if it’s positive.
Let Your Ex Take the Lead
You want to reestablish communication, but it can’t be on your time if you want to woo your ex back. Instead, you need to let your ex set the pace for this type of communication.
Always exhibit patience when you send a text and don’t get a response back right away. If you keep texting and texting chances are you’ll come across as needy, desperate, angry, or even as a stalker. All situations you want to avoid.
At some point if you keep the conversation going, your ex may want to start talking again. This is a great way to know that your tactics are working and that you do stand a chance again.
When to Move On
While texting can often help you get your ex back, there are times when you should realize it’s over and move on. For example, if you’ve sent a text and don’t get a response for over a week or two – chances are your ex isn’t interested.
If you get responses, but they’re angry or just rude and disrespectful, this is another clue that it’s time to cut your losses. In this case, the texting isn’t the problem – it’s the relationship.
This is a great time to look back on your relationship and analyze some of the problems that occurred. Every break up can teach you a lesson if you’re willing to pay attention and learn from it.
Ultimately, you hope for reconciliation when you work to text your ex back. But even if you don’t get that resolution, you can feel good knowing that you did all you could and that you tried.
It still takes two people to make a relationship work and if you’re the only one putting in any effort, that effort might be best spent on someone else.